apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
