no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
