I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
