You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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