Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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