After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
