Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
