what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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