if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
