My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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