i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!