4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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