Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
