I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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