I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
