wanna go halves on a baby?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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