oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
