Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
