Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
