Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
