my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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