end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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