Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
