i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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