new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
