Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
