Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize