did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
