PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
