somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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