remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
