Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday