Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?

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  (972): What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard? http://tfl.nu/a8hs
  Replies (1) Good night (762) Bad night (1091)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth

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  (608): Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth http://tfl.nu/9wx7
  Replies (7) Good night (2100) Bad night (703)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.

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  (516): I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen. http://tfl.nu/vaik
  Replies (13) Good night (1341) Bad night (3713)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?

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  (480): how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back? http://tfl.nu/0voi
  Replies (35) Good night (789) Bad night (3437)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!

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  (256): do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?! http://tfl.nu/1fx5
  Replies (12) Good night (6692) Bad night (1142)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.

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  (770): Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar. http://tfl.nu/qm52
  Replies (10) Good night (2064) Bad night (1265)
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  (949): View more from California

  He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick

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  (949): He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick http://tfl.nu/ka5e
  Replies (20) Good night (1678) Bad night (743)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.

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  (978): If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again. http://tfl.nu/fk6d
  Replies (13) Good night (819) Bad night (1111)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.

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  (773): Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important. http://tfl.nu/scnm
  Replies (3) Good night (1314) Bad night (599)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.

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  (904): The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party. http://tfl.nu/d07s
  Replies (12) Good night (1298) Bad night (544)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale

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  (304): I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale http://tfl.nu/3k6s
  Replies (7) Good night (1829) Bad night (462)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.

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  (970): I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome. http://tfl.nu/hol9
  Replies (6) Good night (2526) Bad night (798)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers

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  (402): I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers http://tfl.nu/eskp
  Replies (1) Good night (391) Bad night (578)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.

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  (440): You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand. http://tfl.nu/z0q1
  Replies (4) Good night (501) Bad night (253)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.

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  (661): I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera. http://tfl.nu/brbw
  Replies (0) Good night (380) Bad night (226)

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