Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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