College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means