you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You can't just leave with hair like that
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.