i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.