Your face is a jimmy john
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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