Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
