i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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