Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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