I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
