I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
