She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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