my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize