9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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