i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
