Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
