Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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