Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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