went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
