we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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