I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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