How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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