what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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