Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
