i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
