So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
