Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My vagina just clenched in fear
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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