smell my finger.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
