shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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