dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
