i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
