I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
