mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
