I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
