I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
