Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
