I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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