i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
