who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
