i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I smell stomach acid.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
