you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
