I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
