What did we do last night that was yellow?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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