my phone needs a breathalizer
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
