you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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