how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
