got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
