my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
