so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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