you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
